New beginings

So since moving to the farm we have no internet. Now granted we could get a landline for the purpose of dial up but between the land line that would never be used as we aren't much on talking on the phone and the price of dial up we'd be paying for dino slow dial up what we'd pay for wifi. So we are waiting it out in hopes that Comcast will find us and deliver us from our dead zone. In the mean time I have a new Iphone that will allow me to blog. It will also allow me to write insane words I did not type because the Iphone thinks its so smart and corrects everything I type. I have never seen the word Hebraic so much in my life. (my finger hits b instead of space frequently and the phrase he says becomes Hebraic)

So that is the reason for my long absence (as if anyone reads this). The tranquility of farm life brings with it electronic isolation.

In the meantime we have of course moved into our house which is wonderful!

More importantly we had our third beautiful daughter Layla Grace.

Her birth experience was amazing as I chose Natural child birth even with back labor. I highly recommend it. Epidurals are overrated. The pain is exaggerated in most cases by over dramatic people. I assure you, what you have in your mind is far worse than reality. Its amazing, exhilirating and empowering and for this mommy who had a miserable pregnancy, it made me want another baby! That is an issue for later pondering...who knows...

Layla is by far our easiest baby. At four months already I cannot believe how shes grown already. She sleeps pretty well through the night and is such a smiling joy. She rarely cries though when she does you know she wants whatever it is immediately. She is beautiful with red hair as I knew she'd have and beautiful blue eyes. We are so blessed.

Throughout the pregnancy Ella kept saying she was the baby . I m your baby mama. I couldn't even sing lullabies that referred to little girls. Upon entering my hospital room and seeing her baby sister's face for the first time she declared "Im a big girl now mama because I am her big sister" I cried. Already emotional and exhausted I found the moment both beautiful and heart breaking because even though I had a new baby I wasn't ready for Ella to be a big girl. I'm still not.

Its been a rough road adjusting for all of us. Ella still needs so much and a new baby needs so much and Tony's work schedule is unforgiving. Through the chaos we've learned a new normal. I love to stay home and am quite content not to leave the house. The hassle of bundling and corralling everyone to the car proves to outweigh the benefits of an outing alone with three children. Besides between baby feedings, diaperings and the many needs of the other two our days fly by much too quickly anyway.

Have I mentioned I love my life? I can't imagine anything better (or more stressful) than being home with my girls day in and day out. So many in our country define success on monetary rewards or career advancement, but what does that gain you? I know some can't stay home but I've found the true definition for me is the smiles on my girls faces and my being there to see them all.

"There is nothing wrong with change if It is in the right direction" Winston Churchill

After substituting in Laci's first grade class today I could not be happier that I didn't finish my early childhood education training. Oh my goodness, my blood pressure would be through the roof! I love substituting, but I know at 3 pm. it comes to an end. I cannot fathom dealing with this for an entire year. I have no idea why I thought I wanted to do that. Of course, I chose my major before I had children of my own, which may have much to do with it.



Days like this make me wonder why we make the decisions we make, especially those that do not come to the end intended. Case in point-my career. I could be negative and think it was a waste of time and money, but I know it isn't. I learned valuable things in that major, especially for someone who deals with children all day-even if they are my own. I met many people I wouldn't have and was able to impress upon their lives and they on mine. There are so many underlying outcomes to our choices in life other than the major obvious ones and when faced with doubt its always good to consider these.



Another big change in our life, we may be moving. I dont' know, its still talk, but we have an opportunity to move out of a house we like, but don't love. We'd be able to live mortgage free (yay) rent free (whoopee) and use our money to renovate a great big farm house with lots of potential. (and more extra money than we've been used to the last few months!) I don't know had you told me to do this a few years ago, I probably would have spit in your face. Well maybe not but some spittle may have found its way on you as I vehemently argued. But I walked through it, and though definitely a fixer upper, whoo, I see so much potential and see what it could be. Now I could was theological and make a point about that is how God sees us, not messed up in our sin, but how beautiful we are through his redemption, but i'll save that for another time. The bedrooms are bigger, and there would be a fourth we could use as a playroom. Today I was told there was no dishwasher nor hookup for it which made me gasp, so I am planning on buying paper products for awhile lol. Take that Obama and your green team. I know it will be a huge undertaking but I think it will be great. There is so much to do in the house we have now to make what we want, that I told Tony, what is the difference? Yes the farmhouse will need more, but we will have all expendable money minus our utilities, so its not a problem! Living here we dont' have the expendable income to do what I want. I'm just a wee bit excited at the prospect and trying not to get my hopes up til we know for sure, but I think it will happen!

I've just felt a bit bogged down in trying to see through the mud in this failing economy which has hit us hard as Tony worked for CSX and the stupid coal tax BO imposed immediately upon entering the White House hit rail freight hard, especially the lines around here, not to mention the cars that they used to haul not being exactly in demand with a failing auto industry. So I'm thrilled at the prospect at getting our heads above water. Also wanting to get out of this dumb house before Cap and Tax, (trade) goes through. If we have to retrofit this sucker to environmental standards we'll never be leaving! I could chase another trail about the disgusting infringement on nearly all aspects of our lives by big govt, but I feel it needs its own special blog.

Lookin' forward to change, with anticipation, not fear!

Loves.