Adoption is a long grueling process. I'm one who hates asking for help. I'm like a two year old perpetually yelling "I do it" because I'd rather do it all myself.
(This is Layla In recent "me do it" situation. She is hopelessly just short of reaching the water despite a deep stretch while on a stool. But she refuses to let me lift her. Notice how much water has accumulated in the sink as he tries to make herself just millimeters longer.
Me do it doesn't really get us anywhere.)
Im Not this way because I think I can do everything better than everyone but because I'm quite insecure and find myself undeserving of help. I feel like an enormous bother and rather than impose my needs on others, ill just do it.
And yes, in some cases it's because it's so much easier to just do it myself. Mark an "n" for needs improvement on my report card under "works well with others" .
God is teaching me now to stop that because adoption is a process in which you need support and must be willing to accept it.
The most important way you can help us is in prayer.
I don't know about you but oftentimes when people ask me to pray for them, especially in situations that don't involve a clear cut need like say a physical healing (those are usually self explanatory) I sometimes feel lost and praying generic prayers.
To help you - and myself - I feel led after a long crying prayer session myself, to write down specific areas In which we can use your prayers what specifically you can list in those prayers.
The adoption process in general.
That God will open doors and lead us to people who will best facilitate each aspect of the process.
That we will hear him clearly on decisions.
For all paperwork to be processed correctly and quickly.
For us to find favor in the process with the various people who have to handle each step of the process and sign off on things and that each phase pass quickly without any roadblocks . ( doesnt hurt to ask right!)
Pray we hear clearly when we are given files of children that we know whom he's chosen for us.
Some may say , that its not a needle in a haystack it could be any kid.
But I know differently. I know God called us when he did, to the country he did and pressed upon us a certain adoption agency to sign with all that will lead to a child he has chosen for us.
His word says:
God places the lonely in families.
He doesn't just throw things together and leave things to chance.
Could be you or you or you in that complete other country over there.
That speaks to a deliberate act.
He is placing this lonely child in our family.
Pray we hear clearly (I'm confident we will) when the time comes for us to review files of kids.
That verse aside , I know he has called us to certain child. I feel it in my bones that's how he works.
If I needed proof I could look no further than my beautiful nephew .
My best friends adopted son is a perfect match to that family. He may not have been born to them but God had him for them. He fits in beautifully.
Gods handiwork is always beautiful.
For all of the Haitian side of this to be done correctly - that our child's paperwork is in order and undeniably declared an orphan from the onset. This often proves to be a major roadblock in adoptions.
Speaking of roadblocks-
That God remove any mountains in our path now, before we even encounter them!
Here's a big mountain:
For God to be in our finances.
We didnt seek this out and don't have some secret adoption nest egg squirlled away. We are a one income family as I stay home and home school the girls.
God reminds me he owns the cattle on a thousand hills and that he's called to us so not to stress on finances.
Still adoption is a big expense. It's hard for my human mind to not dwell on numbers.
Pray for my faith to strengthened and trust Him for the finances! (I say my not our because tony seems cool as a cucumber but pray for his faith too)
Pray for our fundraising endeavors to find favor and be well received and successful. That God will give us creative ideas to help bring in funds.
That he will bring into our lives people willing to help, whether it be donations, people supportive of our fundraising endeavors or willing to donate their time and talents to help.
On that note, if you have any good ideas please feel free to let us know! We are receptive to suggestions! And if you have a talent or skill, that you'd like to use to help us, that's awesome too!
That we could qualify for grants and low interest loans provided by various Christian adoption charities.
We need work in our own hearts and minds as we prepare for this. We are far from perfect, just like Everyone else.
Pray that God uses the time of the process to prepare us and make us better people.
To prepare our hearts and minds to be in the right place
Tend to our hearts like a garden and weed out anything that will hinder us ministering to our child, anything that will keep us from adapting to being adoptive parents or keep us from helping our own kids prepare for and through the transition.
That God will plant in us now the seeds of traits we need to posses to weather the trials in the process and be ready in our hearts and minds to give this child, our child, a secure home where her needs can be met and her wounds healed.
That we are ready to minister to a wounded child.
Can you imagine the pain a small child endures as an orphan? The thoughts that haunt their mind? The pain In their heart?
Neither can I.
Pray that God gives us the ability to speak healing to her brokenness. That we can understand her needs and fulfill them.
For our marriage
That the various trials and stresses that come with adoption would not strain our marriage but instead strengthen it and bring us closer to each other.
That we would pray for and with each other and speak openly about our concerns and needs. Help us to act with grace and love with each other in both the everyday doldrums and the trials and stresses we may encounter.
For us as parents
That we are able to effectively prepare our kids hearts and minds for adoption. They already are compassionate but that they can understand the strains and sacrifices involved not just in the process of getting through the process but the ongoing issues once the child is home.
That we can prepare them for a different scenario than the idyllic pink tinted, frilly dresses, hugs all around, instant sisters riding unicorns through a ticker tape parade dream they envision of our child coming into our home.
Pray against fear and feelings of displacement or jealousy and insecurity in Ella, Laci, and Layla - but that they would have expectations based in reality and prepared for the possible difficulties associated with bringing an unknown child into our family and teaching her what family is.
Pray for me,- and probably Tony he doesn't mention it but I'm sure he experiences this too, as God continually breaks our hearts for fatherless. It's a heavy burden he's placed on us and I find it hard to even pray many times because it seems he breaks my heart even more during prayer .
It spurs me on to continue the long process and while I feel weak I know he's strengthening me because the passion it inspires in my heart chases off all feelings of wanting to turn back and forget and to instead continue in our self centered life of ease and excess.
I know I need this continual painful reminder of the ugly reality of 153 million orphans in the world but it hurts.
Pray that we stay inspired and uplifted at the same time.
Pray that we know how to pray for the lonely, the broken hearted , the fatherless effectively.
Pray that we hear clearly from God on how he wants us to use what he's placed on our hearts to further his work other than just this adoption.
Pray that God be glorified through every part of this process.
This was his plan not ours.
We are not amazing- we are ordinary.
We are not exceptionally compassionate- we are greedy.
We did not seek this out.
He placed it mightily upon our hearts.
The only way he could have been more forceful and clear on what we were to do, from my experience with how I was led to this, would be if He came to me in physical form and shook me.
As it was he spiritually shook me. He wrecked me. There was no quiet leading, no still small voice. It took grand acts of convincing on His part to lead me here.
And even still I convinced myself we didn't have to.
Until he campaigned the entire next day to prove otherwise.
This is not us. It is him.
It's not our love.
It's His living in us, working through us.
We are merely vessels.
God is Father to the fatherless.
He places the lonely in families.
Nowhere in there does it mention the action of man.
This is him.
Pray for our child's mother.
If she's already given her up, pray peace and comfort upon her. Pray for confidence she did what was best for her child. Pray that she knows a loving family is waiting now to take her daughter in. praying now for her child.
Pray restoration upon her life. Let her rise from this stronger and that people be placed in her life to better her future. That one day she can have a family and not be forced to relinquish children for them to have a life because she will be able to provide that life for them.
Pray for the emptiness in her heart to be filled.
I don't know how you get over the pain of giving up a child but I pray she can go on.
I'm assuming a lot in this. That she gave the child up for virtuous reasons, but she's her mother and should be respected for giving her life. Life in Haiti is painfully difficult, and I can't cast aspersions on the decisions anyone makes there because I am blessed to not live in the poorest country in the world where i would be forced with the same situations making the same decisions.
For whatever the reason she relinquished the child we take into our family, I pray she find emotional and spiritually healing. She may be sick in body, and physically unable to care for her child or herself- pray for her physical healing.
Pray that she find Gods grace and his salvation above all else.
In the event she's passed away, pray that all the relevant family have been found and have properly and willingly with full understanding signed all paperwork before we are matched with our child. (This often holds up adoptions)
Pray for our child.
Adoption begins in loss.
She has lost her family, whether she was old enough to know them or not.
She will be losing her crèche (orphanage) relationships with her nunu (what the kids call the caretaker in the crèche we are adopting from) her friends and the people she considers family in the crèche.
She will be leaving her country and everything she has ever known to live with people she's barely met, who look nothing like her and don't speak her language except for the poorly pronounced phrases I will have learned in kreyol by then. ;)
She will move to a strange country of abundance the likes of which she probably couldn't have imagined and a way of life she's never seen.
She will meet girls who consider her a sister even though she's never seen them.
She will move into a home with a family while she has
no concept of family.
She will be without anyone she's known among parents and children they've raised and loved since birth.
Pray that she has peace. Pray that God prepares her even now for the whirlwind of change she will experience in the coming months (18-24+) .
Pray for her as she resides in the crèche that she finds favor and is shown love and care. That her belly not feel the pangs of hunger nor her tears roll down her cheeks unnoticed.
Pray that even if she feels no arms around her that she feels held, by our love.
Pray against sickness and pain.
Cholera rips through crèches claiming countless victims. Pray for her protection and health.
Pray for her emotional scars and wounds, that they be ministered to even now through loving caring words. Let her caretakers understand her needs and that we would as well so we can continue her process of healing from abandonment.
Pray for her to know hope.
I can't forget my best friend calling me after her first trip to Uganda to meet her son. She had taken with her bracelets that said hope that we all wore In support of her sons endlessly difficult adoption and to remind us to pray
Having to leave him until their return for their next court date when they'd take him home, she gave him a hope bracelet. She also gave one to another little boy. She told him what it said "hope" .
Not only did he not have any, he didnt even know what hope was.
I remember getting off the phone sitting on a couch looking out a balcony to the beautiful beach and listening to waves roar (we were on vacation. How blessed are we in this country?) and crying and crying over the dark picture of little children who have no hope to the point of the concept being as foreign to them as the white lady standing before them handing out the bracelets.
It . Broke. Me.
And it should you too.
Jesus came to give hope to the hopeless.
We need to be actively sharing it.
Wow. That's a lot!
If you've read all of that thank you :) you're awesome.
That could be a long prayer session in itself let alone all your needs and thanksgiving!
Maybe, if you're willing to partner with us in prayer, you could dedicate each individual point to one day of the week, if you don't feel up to the lump sum of it daily.
One day, finances, one day, process, one day our child Etc.
If nothing else- just pray for our child. She needs the prayers and to feel Gods presence and love more than us.
If you remember nothing else, remember her.
He saw her abandoned and raised up a family for her.
Pray for her as we fight to get to her.
Thank you so much <3
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