Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Project Life Tuesday...

And I'm ready this week! Yay! I really like this. I "keep" a journal for both girls since they were born. And by "keep" I mean that I write several months at a time b/c I get behind...with this project I'm capturing real everyday moments and I think they speak even more. And I can always look back on these to fill in my spots in their life journals :)

Sunday, January 17

Yes, she shoved an entire piece of broccoli in her mouth. She loves her "bawky trees"

Monday, January 18

Something went terribly wrong when she tried to take her shirt off. We both found it amusing, I took pictures while she walked around for about a half an hour this way...

Tuesday, January 19

I'm pretty sure I didn't pay $100 for a drawing tablet... Our Wii Fit is now red and blue streaked...

Wednesday, January 20

Ella is in the stage where she likes to where everyone's shoes. This day it was my autographed Newsboys chucks and she was quite proud of herself.

Thursday, January 21

Ella gave me a manicure...

Friday, January 22

Ella's first piggytails. I've been putting it off, because I knew she would look so old, but she does look adorable with them...

Saturday, January 23

"....No I don't think so" Laci loves the cheers with attitude, like this and especially ones that say boom where she shakes her hip out...she has those parts down!

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Parent Trap

Parenthood is quite stressful for me the last two weeks. I believe some evil person gave Ella the memo about the terrible two's covertly hidden in a birthday card. I'm serious, she turned two 2 weeks ago and instantaneously got wilder. By no means was she ever our calm child but the extreme switch has been switched on her.

She does not stop! She has taken her manic tiny Robin Williams act, reserved normally for when she's overtired and put it into all day use. There is only so much I can handle. The destructor in her has also felt a greater need to be expressed. I daily cannot find my floor despite vain efforts to follow behind and pick the disaster in her wake. Just today I stupidly decided to do something productive and do a load of dishes in the dishwasher while she watched Mickey. In the time it took me to unload and reload the dishwasher, she had destroyed the living room including covering it in crushed up Cream Cheese and Chive crackers all over, taffy pushed on the tv, various other crumbly food mashed all about, where that came from or how she opened it I don't care to know.

In the midst of the Ella chaos I have Laci who is coming home with more and more homework, because she evidently is not finishing her classwork. She already has too much to begin with and her short attention span ignites both her dad's and my fuses. It does not take a normal person a half hour for one worksheet and there is no reason she needs her hand held for every little detail, but alas she does. She also feels the need to tattle on everything Ella does in the most whiney of voices, as if anyone in this house can do anything about it. She's two and she's terrible, deal with it. Laci's over emotional state helps nothing, nor does the fact Tony is back with CSX which is a good thing, but he comes and goes at odd times, mostly going, on a train, that has no kids, sleeping in a hotel room...that has no kids...how I'd love to board that train somedays.

In the midst of this just when I truly feel like I will most definitely lose it, I can see my hair sticking up frayed, blood shot crazy eyes, typical frazzled cartoon mom they actually do something to remind why its all worth it.

Laci hugs Ella and tells her how much she just loves being her sister (moments after declaring she never wanted a sister why does she have to be cursed with this one ) or announces "mom I washed Ella 's hair for you" (which is more trouble than help, but the thought is touching), Ella gives me the best squeeze the neck hug saying "I wubby you mommy", or like tonight while I carried her out to the car she looks up says "oooh Moon" and grasping her hands together by her cheeks says dreamily "I wish, I wish". Moments like that give the strength to flatten down the hair standing on end, rub your eyes, take a deep breath and wait for the next onslaught of chaos. If only for a moment you remember why kids are so wonderful, especially yours and just how fast they are growing and its once again all worth it.

Of course as I finished that Ella kicked me off the couch, although followed it up with a neck squeeze from behind. At least she's starting to balance the terrible with the lovey.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Project Life Tuesday!

So my bestie Jenn P. introduced me to the world of JesusNeedsNewPr, by Matthew Paul Turner http://jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/ and subsequently his wife Jessica's wonderful blog http://jessicaturnersblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/project-life-tuesday.html. One of the things I found so great on her site was the idea of Project Life. You take a picture everyday, just one, so its not too much pressure and scrap it to give a wonderful overview of your life each year! I thought it was great but hadn't looked much into it when Jenn decided that this year we were doing it! So excited. Now, as I said I had only taken a cursory look at it and was going to come back so I didn't realize that we're to post our pics each week, so this will be a catchup week w/ two sets being posted. Here we go:

Sunday January 3rd:

We went to my mother in laws for some more time with Tony's cousins who now live in CO, we love seeing them and now unfortunately they live so far that it is no as much as we like. This day the kids did the Christmas scavenger hunt that has been a tradition since Tony was a kid. The girl's also had a joint Birthday party since the CO girls don't usually get to come to our parties anymore.

Monday January 4th:

Took some shots of her after a bath, thought she had a sweet expression here, maybe a bit bewildered...

Tuesday January 5th:

We've had quite a bit of snowfall this year and apparently my husband has been shovelling the snow from our walk way into one huge pile that looked like a nice mountain for Ella to perch upon.

Wednesday, January 6th:

Daddy was on the road working, so we celebrated his birthday a day late.

Thursday, January 7th: The Wii Fit came today. Laci is addicted and Ella brings in the scale as her own Wii board.

Friday, January 8th:

Went to Princess and the Frog with Jenn and Mia, the girls also exchanged Christmas gifts.

Saturday, Januray 9th:
My 2 girls, Ella was very sad that Laci and Mommy left her Friday for a girls' night out so Laci spent some quality time with Ella this day.

Sunday, January 10th:

Laci up at the house we are remodelling, apparently in Alaska.

Monday, January 11th: While Laci was at dance I took Ella to pick out her birthday crown and sash at Claire's. She picked the biggest crown they had! She also had to have a silver purse with a sparkly pink chiuhauah (sp) wearing a pink crown. She thinks the dog is Sleeping Beauty.

Tuesday, January 12th: Ella Bella Baby Boo's 2nd birthday. So sad :( Have to put a picture w/her princess cake in here too....

Wednesday, January 13th: This picture will have to wait to be released at a later date....

Thursday, January 14th: My beautiful Laci and her love of headwear... Notice the scratches on her forehead, Ella has been attacking her face!

Friday January 14th: I took pictures of Laci's school cheer and basketball teams..
Laci is in the second row on the left.

Saturday, January 15th: Laci cheered at her first game. She did so well!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Who needs Big Brother when I have this...

With Big Brother overdosing on Human Growth Hormone the last few years, there has been much talk (esp.lately) about how it could insert itself into our homes for purposes such as water regulation. I've heard much talk recently about showers that turn off after 3 minutes, which I can't begin to tell you how annoying it would be for me to keep turning a shower on 5 times b/c I will shower for as long as I want thank you, the Earth is fine. But you know what, I don't need the government to install a nazi in my shower, I already have one.

I acquired it in 2003 and lovingly named her Ella. The past few days my water consumption has been closely monitored by this device. Saturday, while trying to alleviate a pesky headache likely caused by loud children, I was soaking in a nice warm tub reading a Ted Dekker novel. Though my ears were below water level, I could still hear the harsh, piercing screams emenating from my water conservation device. It screamed "mommy mommy mommy I need you" relentlessly for the 10 minutes i was able to withstand the harassment. Never mind that Tony was in the room with her, she needed me and banged on the door and screamed until I emerged (after she opened the oven door to her princess kitchen and put her head inside in desperation) headache now even more intense, surprisingly after my "relaxing" soak.

Today, trying to shower before Mickey Mouse went to commercial I endured similar screaming and loud questions of "are you done yet" "almost, almost?" til it crescendoed to "GET OUT NOW, I NEED YOU MOMMY I NEED YOU NO MORE SHOWER" as my shower doors were thrown open.

So govenment, save your money, at least in my household it seems as though my water consumption is being monitored quite well and a long leisurely shower or bath is in the distant future for me, of course by that time, the Big Brother Inc. Nazi in my Shower head will probably have already been mandatorially installed.

Friday, January 15, 2010

What's in a name?

After doing a quick perusing of my blog while updating the layout I noticed one rather needed blog that I always meant to write, but somehow never did. This happens to me frequently, not necessarily in the blogging sense, just in life. I have things I need or want to say to people and my brain reminds me or plays it over so much that I think I have actually had the conversation with the person and never tell them. Before I again get sidetracked, the blog is the explanation behind the name Nothingcanseperate.

It comes from one of my favorite and most powerful (I feel) passages in the Bible. Romans 8:38-39

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

How amazing is that passage? NOTHING can seperate us from God's love. So many of us think we've done too much wrong to ever be loved by God, "I've done x, y, z I'm a despicable person, if there is a God I could never be worthy enough to approach him let alone ask or expect love.

You very well may be despicable, but God still loves you, because NOTHING can seperate you from his love. It may sound starnge but that way of thinking is arrogant and prideful. This verse says that the most powerful forces we know - angels, demons, life DEATH, none of these are enough to seperate us, yet you think somehow you've managed to do the 1 thing that will make you unlovable to the One who created you. Arrogance. And for those feeling that their noses are clean, the bible also says our righteousness is like filthy rags, so basically, we're no better off than Mr. Despicable a few sentences back. We've all sinned, we've all messed up, and continue to, but if we are in Christ not one thing can force us from God's love.

I dont' know, I've just always found that very comfoting and beautiful. It is so powerful and poetic, it has always struck a chord in my soul. It brings me peace in times of turmoil and strength and power when I'm feeling weak.

I chose that phrase as my blog title for those spiritual reasons but also as a declaration as a way to live life. I choose that for my marriage and my children. I'm not going to let anyone or anything come between us as a family or as children of God. NOTHING can seperate...


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ella Bella baby no more :(

My little Isabelle betrayed me by growing up more still and turned the big 0-2 yesterday. I always look upon my children's birthdays with a mixture of great joy and a tinge of sadness. I consider them holidays in their own right and go to elaborate measures to celebrate two of the greatest days of my life-when my children came into my life.

At the same time, it always puts me in a reflection mode and as I remember the fleeting moments of the past years I can't help but tear up at just how fleeting they truly have been.

I can't believe how in 1 year a child can go from a baby to a full fledged kid. Of course the beauty of toddlerhood is there are still moments when Ella seems undeniably baby, especially when napping. But even those moments show her age, she is able to tell me not only that she wants to nap but also exactly how, with what items and what to drink in her sippy cup in no uncertain terms. Still, I have to hang on to what I have left of baby Ella. I'm very grateful for the head of curly hair that makes her look babyish. All of the babies in her age range are really looking older now and I think this is the only thing keeping her looking like my baby :(

I've enjoyed so much with her the past 2 years. She is definitely the opposite of her big sister and this has brought great joy and even bigger challenges. She is the typical wild child doing all the messy and gross things of childhood her older, much calmer sister never even imagined. We can't stop laughing though at her antics and that is definitely a blessing.

Some know, some do not, that between Ella and Laci I had a miscarriage which was devestating in every way. For months, nearly a year, I just couldn't imagine having the strength to be pregnant again and risk losing another child. While I feel my relationship with God took the initial pain away and gave me the strength to move one, I still struggled in each quiet moment of the day with the question of how can I ever do this again and will we ever have another child.

A year to the week of the miscarriage, we were in a new church and our pastor preached a message on giving God control of everything in our life. As I prayed that night I asked God to show me any areas which I had not given over to him. To my surprise and shockingly clear I felt that my fear of miscarriage was something I needed to hand over to Him. I felt I wasn't trusting God the way I should, that fearing another miscarriage was not placing faith in Him. And so, after some soul searching and real talk with God I realized I had been wrong and really placed my trust in Him. Although, I had some provisions, (i do not recommend deal brokering with God) I felt that I needed assurance that if we got pregnant again sometime in the future the child would be healthy and there would not be a miscarriage. This was the only way I could ever imagine someday being willing to risk pregnancy again. To be honest, I felt such peace after I prayed. A peace that had not fallen upon my mind and soul since that awful night I found out our baby was no more. Tony and I talked that night also, and decided we would start trying the following January after taking Laci to Disney World. Well, we got pregnant that week, when I should never have been able to! Talk about answer to prayer. yikes!

Ella has been such a blessing and I truly feel she is the fulfillment of a covenant made between God and myself. I could not be happier with this crazy little beautiful princess whom we affectionately and appropriately call Beastie and though I lament the quick passing of her babyhood I look forward to all that is yet to come in an undoubtly exciting little life.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Sunrise, Sunset

As the new year begins I find myself reflecting on the past, in the form of pictures. As a photographer, obviously photos play a huge part in my life. Even as a child I've always loved photography and have had a camera for as far back as I can remember. I just love the preservation of moments. Memories time has passed by, but has been saved from obscurity by some paper and ink.

My friend Jenn, introduced me to a couple of blogs this past year, one of which is The Mom Creative by Jessica Turner. She is a mommy and has wonderful ideas for putting to use all that paper and ink preserving our memories of that rapidly growing baby.

One thing she does is a year in review type of scrapbook. I am now in the process of uploading some pictures to begin mine. I am going to make one for each child, and who knows, if I like it enough a joint one :). For now I'm doing just Shutterfly photobooks as I've seen the quality and am pleased and the time required to make something treasurable is as minimal as you get. Thanks to Jenn for informing of a current sale www.shutterfly.com
Though I don't know if I'll make the deadline this time. The nice thing as she also pointed out is that you can always store them and order more at a later time, for grandparents, or a second one to give to your child to keep, so you don't have to share yours of course!

The other great idea Jessica Turner has is a 365 project. She takes at least 1 picture every day of her child to capture the essence of that 24 hour period. I want to do this but it is looking like at best it will be a 363 project as I didn't take pictures everyday already. A 52 project may be more realistic in which you make sure to get pics every week. That I do without thinking,

In this world of chaos we find ourselves in, at least I feel, our children our growing up, not even before our eyes, but by leaps and bounds. If I break into a rendition of Sunrise, Sunset, I'm sure you'll forgive me. I can't believe the changes in both my girls over the past year, as evidenced in my photos. Laci has grown so tall and is starting to fill out, to look more pre teenish (to go with her attitude) and Ella, well there are not even words to encompass her changes. I think its one of the biggest tragedies of babies. They grow daily, so much each week. Its impossible to remember it all, or to really capture it. So sad. And then one day before you know it they are 5 and out the door to school. So, so sad. These pictures are all I have left of quite likely my last baby. (except my future adoptee :) )

Now I have all these pictures I have taken, because of my fear of missing something but they are not PRINTED! Crazy. Feeling the pressure of the perfect handmade scrapbook, I stall in fear of messing up or being overwhelmed at the sheer amount of energy required to simply get the materials out to begin! I am thinking this is a definite way for my pictures not to be lost somewhere on my hard drive never reaching their full potential as a printed treasure. Looking forward to this and hoping you too find ways to present your beautiful memories for all to see.

Get to it! There are only 359 days left in this year to capture your growing child!