Nothingcanseperate: Harry Potter theatre 3000

We can't watch things without TONS of commentary. Which is why I typically watch things late at night by myself. For Harry Potter, the commentary is quite lively. I've taken notes during the movies think of it as our version of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 featuring lots of fangirling. In honor of Harry's birthday week im posting them on my blog.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone.

Or if you're British - Philosophers stone ....

(Insert theme here... We're all singing it anyway.)

Harry looks like a baby!

5,000 letters flying around the house and you can't catch one? You're going to be a seeker?!

Harry would do terrible at the chuck e cheese ticket grab on his birthday .

I know Dumble trusts Hagrid with his life but is it a great idea to take along some random kid they just met (even if he is the chosen one) to Gringots on super secret business?

Clearly not...

Ollivander is a great wand maker but totes creepy.

But be makes a Great War Doctor

Hagrid with Hedwig, tapping on the window yelling Happy Birthday- he's so cute like he has a new bff he's buying bday presents for ❤️

Buying all the snacks from the treat trolley- great way to make a quick bestie and 999 hungry enemies. #waytogoharry

Harry looks like a baby ❤️

Gee I wonder where the bratty kid will be sorted into...

The sorting hat sees all that gel and goop in Dracos hair and is like "DONTputmedownonthat SLYTHERIN!"

He's gonna get the meat sweats!

Nearly headless nick they're trying to eat there keep your head on your neck

Ella- Id be eating in my room from now on, thank you very much.

Alan looks so..... Snapey!

Ooooh Snapes first class!

He's nearly tripping over himself to get into class where's the fire Professor Snape? In my heart that's where 😍😂

[entering class room] There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few who possess the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.

BEST.CLASS.INTRODUCTION.
EVER!

*wraps himself in his cape* laci - "how does he do that? He looks amazing.

Yeah not quite...

Draco and I share the same look when we see snape

Ron doesn't share our sentiment.

Pity. Clearly fame isn't everything. Is it mister potter

Oh snap. He's coming after him. This is when the whole front row of the class collectively pees their pants. He even sits down with swagger

Laci- "and this is where you'd grab his face and try and make out with him isn't it mum"

Snape-Pity. Clearly fame isn't everything. Is it mister potter

HP- Clearly Hermione knows seems a pity not to ask her . #harrykingofsass

Meanwhile, in the Great Hall....Seamus begins his career as a rum runner.

Me too Jack, me too.

Remembralls are worthless . "Problem is I can't remember what i forgot "

your robe Neville your forgot your blessed robe!

Even in the Wizarding world all female gym teachers look alike.

guess who she's yelling at?

#freakingneville

Harry gets picked as a seeker now...
They explain quidditch..

Why do people disappear playing this game? Anyone?

Hermione "Harry potter..... What . An. idiot. "

girl you have NO idea

Thought you oughta know ....

#alwaysagryff

Oh No Hermione is pouting in a bathroom she didn't hear the troll alert. Let's not tell a teacher lets go save her ourselves #alwaysagryff

These Hogwarts bathrooms look really low end compared to the rest of the decor I hope they do a nice remodel after this while troll episode

Harry has a wand capable of doing serious magic. How's he use it ?

He shoves it up a trolls nostril.#muggle
Shut up everyone- Snapes here .

He doesn't believe your crap story either Hermione.

Snapes poor leg hurts. He limps with swag. I still can't figure out if he was genuinely wishing Harry luck for his first quidditch Match. Keep em guessing professor.

Maybe he didn't mean it...

Oliver woods strength is not reassuring pep talks.

Oliver "scared Harry?"
Yes
"Don't be afraid I was basically in a coma for a week after my first match.... But I didn't die!"
Reassuring pep talks are not Oliver's strong suit

But smarmy smiles are.
#keepersarekeepers

Ella- "What's the ball you get in the score holes? "
We aren't athletes here...

Laci - what's wrong with Madam hooch- did someone put a spell on her that got rid of her upper lip?

Me: Yes reducio.

#practicalmagic

Why doesn't he do reparo orthodonto

Because those teeth lyk he's a bad guy .

Hermione sees snape moving his mouth and goes super dark and creepy

He recovers from being set on fire with his usual swag

"And they wonder why I hate these kids?"

It's Christmas "someone" thinks an 11 year old should have an invisibility cloak.

"I totes see your head dude. You're doing it wrong"
#harrypottersuchanidiot

And ron got an ugly sweater

Laci-Mum why don't you make me sweaters

Me- bc I can't enchant knitting needles like Molly and I don't have weeks to waste in a sweater you'd never wear that's why.

Meanwhile in the library ....

Still doing it wrong....

Luckily he ran into our favorite Snapey talking menacingly to pppppppprofessor qqqquirrell.

#snapekingofdramatichandmotions

Hagrid being fooled by 11 year olds again...

"Only Dumbledore and me know how to get past fluffy. Shouldn't have said that..."

Never make hagrid secret keeper

#freakinghagrid

Harry found the mirror of erised:

Ella -I would just see myself in the mirror of erised.

Of course you would...

The trio loitering in the hallway and ....
What are you three doing inside on a day like this...
............

People will think you're...............

up to ....................

Something ...............

Laci- I could've ordered a pizza in the time it took him to say it. . .....And ate it.

Me : RICKMAN REWIND RULE!

They head down to Hagrids and ask where he got a bloody dragon.

Who cares where he got the dragon egg-
Hagrid is playing the Harry Potter theme on the pan flute!

Draco tattles and everyone gets detention.

"Wait til my father hears about this"

While you're talking to him- give him my number ...

#lusciouslockslucius

Yes, quickly Draco.

Hermione knocks out and paralyzed their friend
#freakingneville

Ron- "you're a little scary sometimes you know that don't you? "

You have no idea ron. She already set a man on fire. When you marry her, get a lot of life insurance...

Plot plot plot plot

They're at wizard chess. And ron knows Harry is the chosen one. #allthefeels