Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Here's what Wednesday 4

I am loaded with enough fuel and fire for a flaming here's what due to this weeks events but being that it's my anniversary, I'm going a new route.

Here's What:

I'm amazingly blessed with a wonderful husband. I could not have asked for a better man to share my life with or be the father to my kids.

Tony is so selfless. He works 70+ hours at csx- an employer that pretty much treats employees as property - so that I can stay at home and raise our kids instead of a daycare. Because he works so many hours and at crazy times at a job where you're not allowed to call off more than once eery two months, he misses out on a lot with these kids- and this is a daddy who cherishes time with his princesses. I can't express how much I appreciate this sacrifice. I could go on for pages but i had a moment last night when I stopped and just had a moment.

You've had them. That instant where something seemingly insignificant in it's own right becomes momentous because for whatever reason it puts in
Focus something of great import.

For me it was how Tony reacted to my awful beach trip with the kids and the events that precipitated an early departure just a day after arriving.

To go On this impromptu trip with a friend and two women I did not know ( the latter being the issue leading to our leaving) he had to change his vacation week because I wouldn't leave if he was going to be at home "on vacation" while we were gone. He also gave up what plans he had for us because we already have a vacation in the works for later In the summer.

- He puts us first- far beyond himself.

I truly value his hard work. He goes on little sleep at random hours to work twelve hours to Many times get only ten hours off. He only is guaranteed one off day a week. Because he works so hard , I hate wasting his money. He's not greedy or miserly but I know the sweat and sacrifice that go into each dollar and I was so mad that so much was wasted on a trip we didn't get to finish that it tore me up to leave.

- He is an excellent selfless provider , doing what he must not to just provide our needs but to give us what we want.

I had been really upset all evening , well actually since we arrived due to what I can only describe as a reality show brawl atmosphere . He gave ul his few hours of sleep to call and talk and check on me, trying to calm and comfort me.

- Hes my security blanket

While i was upset at the wasted cost he however only thought of me and the kids and our well being. He didn't see his money wasted because his kids got a few hours of beach time ( I however am still boiling over the waste because I know how hard earned it was) and to him even though it was just a few moments of fun - it was worth the expense for his girls.

- He is an amazing father who puts his girls and their happiness first in his priorities and a smile on their faces is worth any cost.

He then immediately went into fixing mode and said he'd switch in September to a job he doesn't like for a couple weeks in order to get a few days off in a row so he could take the kids to the beach and make up for what was taken from them yesterday.

- He is our band - aid. Always trying to fix what went wrong whether it is his fault or not.

I was talking to him as I was leaving. I was fearful because I have panic attacks on the bay bridge, I hate traffic and driving in unfamiliar areas. He was trying to assure me I'd be fine that I don't I've myself enough credit. I needed to hear his voice, just talking to him helped me steel myself to drive at midnight with three kids.

- Hes my encourager. He builds me up when all around destroyers try to tear down.

I know these things about him at any given moment. They are his core, they make up his very being. These are the things that drew me to him, that made me love him.

In that moment standing in a gas station parking lot Talking to him as I got ready to leave it hit me squarely. In a moment where I was crying , feeling tense, stressed , angry and more - a cacophony of all negative emotions- I smiled and felt warm and comforted. I'd remembered all the things I know deep inside about this wonderful man I call husband.

"My creed is Love and you are its only tenet - You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist."
- John Keats

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