Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Project Life Week 6

Sunday, February 7
















Ella is big into dress up lately. The only clothes she'll wear around the house is dress up costumes and this little slip has become her go to outfit. It falls just above her belly button and just makes her look like a cute little early 1900's baby. I love it. I'm going to have to do some real pictures of her in it. She just looks so sweet and innocent like a little antique baby doll.

Monday, January 8

















She told me she had made a bed and was putting herself to sleep. Didn't happen.


Tuesday, January 9



Add Image













She kept running around saying "What am I going to do? What am I going to do" with her little hands on her face. I have no idea what was perplexing her but it was funny.
















She took her goldfish crumbled them out and spread them out on the tv stand. Then she jumped up in the chair I was sitting in and standing on my legs said "Whaddya think?" I said "what do I think about what" She flails out her
hand like a baby Vanna White in the direction of her "creation" and proudly yells "Goreeka" (I guess eureeka). She was just too funny to get too angry.


Thursday February 11
















Laci filling out her Valentines for her class party. I think we were the only school in Maryland to have school last Friday!

Friday, February 12

















Saturday, February 13

Ella wants to crawl in bed with Laci all the time and "go to bed" she usually pops back out about 3 min. after I leave. It will be nice when she's old enough for them to have sleep overs if Laci wants to by then!






















Started potty training. A book I orderd from Amazon for her came and apparently it was good Potty Propoganda b/c she wanted to try immediately. No luck on this day. Note the sippy cup I made her sit and drink to try and help the process. She sat here for 45 minutes. When she got up she refused diapers because Molly Matthews in her book got big girl "unnerpants" when she sat on the potty. I relented and while I ran upstairs quickly to grab a shirt I heard "I gotta go potty" I came down to see I was too late in a mere 10 seconds. She had not just peed but stood on Laci's bookbag of all places and peed. Poor Laci.



















Here is a bonus Wednesday picture! It won't go where its supposed to though :( We had our first ultrasound last Wed. Unfortunately the ultrasound tech was an older guy and though we saw really good shots of the baby he obviously wasn't worried about getting us a nice picture. We got 3 all of this which looks more like a chicken nugget than a baby ;( But at least we saw the little bean!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

2010 a year of blessings indeed!

I think I vaguely recall starting this whole blog thing off with a post about change in my life. In that blog post I remember writing how with all this change about I was sure 2010 was to be a year of blessing in our life, following up a bit of a tough one for us. Little did I know just how much blessing was in store!

Probably most, if not everyone now knows I am pregnant. Today I had my first dr. appointment and ultrasound. Having had a previous miscarriage, ultrasounds no longer are a source purely of excitement for me, they're mixed a bit with sadness and even a bit of panic or terror. The first ultrasound of the baby we lost was the one when I was in the E.R. after a nice lunch with friends and that ultrasound told us our baby had died. So I went into today with reserved excitement and a pit in my stomach. Though I felt all was well, and looked forward to solid confirmation that familliar dread crept in. I held my breath as he laid the probe against my exposed tummy and fought the urge to turn my head to the side not facing the monitor squeezing my eyes shut. Thankfully I didn't because immediately my little baby bean popped up on the monitor. The tech found the exact right spot with his first try, and we could even immediately see the flickering of a tiny heart. (so I'm crying now as i type this the full realization of the mix of emotions cascading on my mind during this retelling)

If you've never had the heartbreak of losing a baby, you can't understand, and thank God for that. I dont' wish this understanding on anyone. Every mom is esctatic to see that heart beat, but none more so than the mother who has seen the still baby or the empty sac on the cold monitor. That not only baby, but also heartbeat immediately were easily visible to my untrained eye I truly thank God for, my rainbow of promise. A tight squeeze in my hand by Tony and I'm sure he was thinking the same.

The ultrasound was quite short but long enough for us to see the wiggling of tiny limbs which have the outlines of hands and nubs of digits and even a close up on that tiny yet to be fully formed face.

I feel I can breathe easier now knowing that in my womb there is still a life that God knew even before it was created. A heart beating (and strong at 170) that will one day be given to that God in devotion and faith. And a year that indeed is bursting full of blessings.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Project Life Tuesday- Week 5

Sunday, January 31st

Ella's birthday party had to be postponed a day due to unruly snow, so we had it on Sunday instead of Saturday. This is my beautiful Princess Ella Mouse on her 2nd birthday. She looks so grown up it breaks my heart, but I am truly enjoying this stage. She loves playing ded at her make believe skills. Her older sister was alwaress up and I'm amazys so intellectual and beyond her years, its fun to have a toddler who acts like a toddler this time, not a civil war scholar!











Monday, February 1st
I can't believe January is over already! This is what I walk into after stupidly trying to clean another room. This does not show the extent of the Skittle spillage. My carpet looked like a Twister mat for bugs or something. This is Ella enjoying an upside down snack hanging off the couch. I don't know, I really don't. Notice the Jasmine costume top that seems to have slipped off during her hand stand. She wears costumes all day long now.












Tuesday,February 2nd

This is Ella - in a gift bag. She was running around like crazy, a video would be more appropriate to post as it was quite hilarious the way she was moving those skinny chicken legs. I walked in and at first since it covers most of her all I saw was this giant bag darting across my living room, very spastically. Then I saw legs . This kid is nuts and always finds some quirky antic to make me laugh each day.
























Wednesday, February 3rd
This is Ella holding her cousin Gavin after I did a photo session with him and his mom, my sister. I had to take this quickly while she was putting the other kid in the car because she probably would have had a spazz attack knowing Ella was holding him. I thought it was cute and particularly like how she is cautiously holding him yet letting him dangle off her princess couch :D She tried to get him to give her a piggy back ride earlier in the night when he was having tummy time on the ground. She sees a back-its fair game and time for a ride!














Thursday, February 4th

We went to look at cabinets with our contractor and his wife. We saw his handiwork in 4 houses and are excited because he is awesome!!! Our cabinet maker does beautiful custom work as well and I am so excited (even though I really don't care about cabinets) to have custom made oak (i think we're doing oak, maybe hickory) cabinets in our house! He also does the countertops and we came home with several hundred samples, here's a few we're considering. Any suggestions? It was a nice night, they took us out to a nice dinner afterwards. Sadly, this is the first "date" we've had in months, and it was with our contractor! They're nice people, I'd double with them anytime :D













Friday, February 5th

This is a tree outside our house snow, snow, snow and this was just the begining of what was to come.































Saturday, February 6th

And here is what came! We had close to 40"! Maybe I'll post a few, poor Laci has yet to make an appearance in this week. This pregnancy wipes me out in the afternoon and I just haven't felt like taking any after she gets home from school. Making a mental note for next week!!!



































Thursday, February 4, 2010

Stay at Home Moms are idiots and my rules for dealing with brainwashed Libs.

Or so I learned tonight while debating with a public school teacher who has the grammar of a fourth grader and spelling skills of a highly trained ape. No, really.

My friend homeschools and she was writing on facebook, the bastion of free thought and opinion (snicker), how much she loves it, the support, the community and the resources that are so abundant her children just can't partake of it all.

This guy pops up and immediately posts incoherent arguments about why private school is evil. Okay, she homeschools, he's yelling about private, agenda anyone? So of course, I have to jump in because I think public school is the pits quite honestly and who can argue, as he did, that public school is so far beyond comparison with the underlings private and home. (no underling is a 3 syllable word, he used double at best and couldnt' spell them correctly).

His first point which rides till it is legless and beyond is:

Public School Does Not Kick Out Kids Who Do Not Fit the Mold.

This one I decimate immediately noting that my daughter's school alone is filled with kids who have been PERMANENTLY KICKED OUT OF PUBLIC SCHOOL. They have no other option, but, where, oh yeah A PRIVATE SCHOOL. This simple point is lost on Mr. Dunderhead (no that's what his students call him), although eventually (55 posts later) he gets it, I think, because though he doesn't address it he mysteriously drops this faithful steed and jumps on the next lame horse.

Private Schools Do Not Take In Disabled Children.

This guy is totally playing from Liberal for Dummies handbook at this point. I immediately negate this too, as I know of some in my own daughters school again. He tries the old lib play of attack the messenger when they're smarter than you, by saying "well you're a sub, enough said" Really, because I am a sub, or even just a parent of a student, I don't know enough about the school, how about I know these kids have disabilities, (none as great as his) and I proved you wrong jerk.

Well he never can get a point across that holds water so then I am uneducated, based solely on the fact I now have chosen not to be a full time worker. He goes on and on about this in a condescending tone. Unfortunately, for him, its hard to be upset by claims that I am unintelligent by someone whose posts look like they were translated from Japanese into English by a deaf, blind, mute, who only speaks Spanish. No really, his arguments were incoherent and misspelled, proving my private/homeschool can often be the best choice for a child argument.

He then gets into politics saying my friend and I are just repeating a pledge from Glenn Beck or something. Okay, I don't know how that even fits in to the current debate, but I respond by saying "yeah, because we're incapable of forming opinions independent of Fox News correspondents" he thinks he's cute so he deletes his comment making it look as though my friend and I are admitting this. I suppose sarcasm and wit are something that this particular "educator" also has trouble with along with basic English, because even without his comment anyone could see it was sarcasm and not some sort of admittance. Too funny!

So it goes on and on, him calling me stupid despite my education, just because I choose to stay at home. I have never been fired from anywhere and could do darn well whatever I wished, yes I'm that darn smart, but because I choose to invest in my children and not into a career, I'm a moron. (pretty sure moron was spelled by him with a c somehow.) Again liberal playbook, attack and run.

And run that little bugger did. I unleashed my unholy pregnant rage on his "unbiased" behind and you know what he did? He deleted every vile nasty comment and every lame point he made in an effort to look innocent. Too funny. Just like the Obama administration scouring the internet deleting all the past unsavory comments made by him and his Land of the Czars (do we use the cz or the ts version? I'm new to being communist). No really, and it was so funny, because I think what really got his goat was when (after he kept telling me to GET A CLUE, b/c remember I"m a dummy b/c I stay at home) I wrote : "BTW, Get a clue, really that is such an awesome burn. Idk how you built your way back machine, but if you have time do you think you could steal a comeback line for me from the 50's too?"

I mean, I'm super proud of this and I will stand by it :D And I don't know how thin skinned you are, but if it offends you, 1. buck up 2. he was flat out namecalling and being degrading, this doesn't even touch his. 3. Its hilarious, deal with it.

I had already declared myself champion ( i really did, I told him thanks for continuing to prove my point by posting poorly worded misspelled posts I like going to bed a champion), so his taking his ball and going home by deleting his more abrasive posts ( i say more because they all were) declared me victor officially :D

My point is :

1. If you engage a rabid liberal be prepared for a lot of poorly regurgitated facts. Also, be prepared to hear the same ones again and again, because original thought is not a trait they posess.

2. Be prepared for the use of the word "unbiased" in the most biased of sentences. Libs pride themselves on being acceptant of everyone and their ideas, when really the slightest deviation you may have from their trained thought throws them into a hell bourne rage nothing can stop. THEY ARE RIGHT YOU IDIOT.

3. Blind acceptance of non-fact as cold stone fact in the face of obvious repudiation. (goes along with being "unbiased")

4. When they realize somewhere deeps in the recesses of that soul that has been beaten into a corner, that "oops, that sounded like a fact from my opponenent" you will be verbally punished. You will be slandered, demeaned and ridiculed. (poorly and much like schoolyard taunting and name calling) The liberal is terrified to have his/her worldview questioned/threatened with truth (and truth shines through darkness) so much so, that they will attack and try to make you feel like an idiot. You knowing this already will laugh and appreciate that sad attempt on the little LIbby's part.

5. When you have thoroughly proven yourself superior in intellect and capable of forming coherent truthful arguments (the liberals achille's heel) they will finish berating you then run off to hide, often erasing all incriminating evidence to their stupidity. They may also try and trap you using "your own words" sadly confused by your use of wit and clear sarcasm.

6. You'll always win, because, face it, liberalism is a failed concept, need proof, look no further than the last 2 years. Do not expect an accepatnce on the libs, part, no, libearls, being short sided and often shallow are incapable of introspection. This however does work to your advantage, because you can easily defeat them next time when they pull out the same "facts" you've already decimated.

Good luck. However, don't listen to me, I'm just a stupid stay at home mom :D

*Disclaimer because we live in a PC society and anything anyone says tongue in cheek or not that doesn't agree with one's own world view is seen as a threat or attack I wish to say I by no means hate public schools or their teachers. My characterization (a most flattering one) for this particular oaf does not reflect my view of the many well qualified, hard working teachers out there liberal, conservative or otherwise. I do not think public schools should be abolished, not that they would, nor do I think everyone should have the same view point as I.I do not look down on people who send their kids to public school or said children. I do believe for me and my family for a myriad of social, religious, political, educational and more reasons, public schools are not a fit for us. I do not believe all private schools are perfect. I do believe in a voucher system or something in the way of the wildly successful, Charter program in DC opening up choice to families who have no option other than public schools. The government is doing a great injustice to many kids who flourished under such a program, just because Charter schools wildly outscored the public schools once again showing government can do nothing right, therefore, they had to be quashed. If you take offense to this, its your issue and I'm sorry contact me, and we'll talk it out, but I'll respectfully stand by my opinion and champion your right to yours. If you are a liberal and are reading this, more than likely we are friends and therefore though you know I deeply disagree with you and your political beliefs at their very core and can never reconcile what I see is misguided and damaging to this nation with my own beliefs, you are not an idiotic liberal incapable of hearing other sides. Therefore do not take the above description to heart as it does not apply to you. You have your beliefs and are entitled to them, where you differ from above Liberal is you know I have mine and indeed am entitled to them and are not enraged at our impasse. Good for you, should you ever care to engage in a lively, civilized debate without name calling or degradation I would be happy to oblige.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Kind of behind this week, so I didn't have time to write days on the pictures. Oh well! It was a crazy week, with snow storms and birthdays, which ended up being postponed birthdays and I was pretty much home alone this week as Tony was out of town most of it!

Sunday January, 24 2009

Joaquin Phoenix stopped by for a visit.






















Monday January, 25 2009

I was taking a picture of how Ella's room (which is just a playroom since her toddler bed is in our room) is now covered wall to wall with toys after the double whammy of Christmas and her birthday, and she decided she needed to add some excitement to the shot.


















Tuesday January, 26 2009

I wanted to do something fun with the girl's so we had our first ever Ice Cream Sundae for dinner night.


















Wednesday January, 27 2009

Ella has to dress up to watch Mickey Clubhouse now. I love that she is in the dress up stage, its always so cute. She is so good at playing pretend too. She tells you who you are supposed to be and who she is and doesn't break character. Pretty impressive for a 2 year old.


















Thursday January, 28 2009

I melted a plate again. Well, not again, its not usually plates but other random items. Laci could give you a rundown if you really wanted to know. She started reciting the litany of them to me when she saw this. I can never do just one thing though, I have to multi-task. And sometimes with muti-tasking there are some casualties...





















Friday January, 29 2009

I had to decorate for Ella Bella's Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse Birthday Bash! Luckily my mother in law had blown up a bunch of balloons and hung them from the ceiling, prom style, already so it didn't take as long as last year! This is just the coloring table.



















Saturday January, 30 2009
This was supposed to be Ella's birthday party, but we had to postpone due to weather so I thought I'd break some news instead with this picture.


















Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Project Life Tuesday...

And I'm ready this week! Yay! I really like this. I "keep" a journal for both girls since they were born. And by "keep" I mean that I write several months at a time b/c I get behind...with this project I'm capturing real everyday moments and I think they speak even more. And I can always look back on these to fill in my spots in their life journals :)

Sunday, January 17

Yes, she shoved an entire piece of broccoli in her mouth. She loves her "bawky trees"



















Monday, January 18

Something went terribly wrong when she tried to take her shirt off. We both found it amusing, I took pictures while she walked around for about a half an hour this way...













Tuesday, January 19

I'm pretty sure I didn't pay $100 for a drawing tablet... Our Wii Fit is now red and blue streaked...














Wednesday, January 20

Ella is in the stage where she likes to where everyone's shoes. This day it was my autographed Newsboys chucks and she was quite proud of herself.

















Thursday, January 21

Ella gave me a manicure...














Friday, January 22

Ella's first piggytails. I've been putting it off, because I knew she would look so old, but she does look adorable with them...














Saturday, January 23

"....No I don't think so" Laci loves the cheers with attitude, like this and especially ones that say boom where she shakes her hip out...she has those parts down!

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Parent Trap

Parenthood is quite stressful for me the last two weeks. I believe some evil person gave Ella the memo about the terrible two's covertly hidden in a birthday card. I'm serious, she turned two 2 weeks ago and instantaneously got wilder. By no means was she ever our calm child but the extreme switch has been switched on her.

She does not stop! She has taken her manic tiny Robin Williams act, reserved normally for when she's overtired and put it into all day use. There is only so much I can handle. The destructor in her has also felt a greater need to be expressed. I daily cannot find my floor despite vain efforts to follow behind and pick the disaster in her wake. Just today I stupidly decided to do something productive and do a load of dishes in the dishwasher while she watched Mickey. In the time it took me to unload and reload the dishwasher, she had destroyed the living room including covering it in crushed up Cream Cheese and Chive crackers all over, taffy pushed on the tv, various other crumbly food mashed all about, where that came from or how she opened it I don't care to know.

In the midst of the Ella chaos I have Laci who is coming home with more and more homework, because she evidently is not finishing her classwork. She already has too much to begin with and her short attention span ignites both her dad's and my fuses. It does not take a normal person a half hour for one worksheet and there is no reason she needs her hand held for every little detail, but alas she does. She also feels the need to tattle on everything Ella does in the most whiney of voices, as if anyone in this house can do anything about it. She's two and she's terrible, deal with it. Laci's over emotional state helps nothing, nor does the fact Tony is back with CSX which is a good thing, but he comes and goes at odd times, mostly going, on a train, that has no kids, sleeping in a hotel room...that has no kids...how I'd love to board that train somedays.

In the midst of this just when I truly feel like I will most definitely lose it, I can see my hair sticking up frayed, blood shot crazy eyes, typical frazzled cartoon mom they actually do something to remind why its all worth it.

Laci hugs Ella and tells her how much she just loves being her sister (moments after declaring she never wanted a sister why does she have to be cursed with this one ) or announces "mom I washed Ella 's hair for you" (which is more trouble than help, but the thought is touching), Ella gives me the best squeeze the neck hug saying "I wubby you mommy", or like tonight while I carried her out to the car she looks up says "oooh Moon" and grasping her hands together by her cheeks says dreamily "I wish, I wish". Moments like that give the strength to flatten down the hair standing on end, rub your eyes, take a deep breath and wait for the next onslaught of chaos. If only for a moment you remember why kids are so wonderful, especially yours and just how fast they are growing and its once again all worth it.

Of course as I finished that Ella kicked me off the couch, although followed it up with a neck squeeze from behind. At least she's starting to balance the terrible with the lovey.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Project Life Tuesday!

So my bestie Jenn P. introduced me to the world of JesusNeedsNewPr, by Matthew Paul Turner http://jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/ and subsequently his wife Jessica's wonderful blog http://jessicaturnersblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/project-life-tuesday.html. One of the things I found so great on her site was the idea of Project Life. You take a picture everyday, just one, so its not too much pressure and scrap it to give a wonderful overview of your life each year! I thought it was great but hadn't looked much into it when Jenn decided that this year we were doing it! So excited. Now, as I said I had only taken a cursory look at it and was going to come back so I didn't realize that we're to post our pics each week, so this will be a catchup week w/ two sets being posted. Here we go:

Sunday January 3rd:



We went to my mother in laws for some more time with Tony's cousins who now live in CO, we love seeing them and now unfortunately they live so far that it is no as much as we like. This day the kids did the Christmas scavenger hunt that has been a tradition since Tony was a kid. The girl's also had a joint Birthday party since the CO girls don't usually get to come to our parties anymore.


Monday January 4th:

Took some shots of her after a bath, thought she had a sweet expression here, maybe a bit bewildered...













Tuesday January 5th:

We've had quite a bit of snowfall this year and apparently my husband has been shovelling the snow from our walk way into one huge pile that looked like a nice mountain for Ella to perch upon.











Wednesday, January 6th:

Daddy was on the road working, so we celebrated his birthday a day late.









Thursday, January 7th: The Wii Fit came today. Laci is addicted and Ella brings in the scale as her own Wii board.













Friday, January 8th:

Went to Princess and the Frog with Jenn and Mia, the girls also exchanged Christmas gifts.









Saturday, Januray 9th:
My 2 girls, Ella was very sad that Laci and Mommy left her Friday for a girls' night out so Laci spent some quality time with Ella this day.












Sunday, January 10th:

Laci up at the house we are remodelling, apparently in Alaska.










Monday, January 11th: While Laci was at dance I took Ella to pick out her birthday crown and sash at Claire's. She picked the biggest crown they had! She also had to have a silver purse with a sparkly pink chiuhauah (sp) wearing a pink crown. She thinks the dog is Sleeping Beauty.












Tuesday, January 12th: Ella Bella Baby Boo's 2nd birthday. So sad :( Have to put a picture w/her princess cake in here too....














Wednesday, January 13th: This picture will have to wait to be released at a later date....

Thursday, January 14th: My beautiful Laci and her love of headwear... Notice the scratches on her forehead, Ella has been attacking her face!













Friday January 14th: I took pictures of Laci's school cheer and basketball teams..
Laci is in the second row on the left.









Saturday, January 15th: Laci cheered at her first game. She did so well!











Monday, January 18, 2010

Who needs Big Brother when I have this...


With Big Brother overdosing on Human Growth Hormone the last few years, there has been much talk (esp.lately) about how it could insert itself into our homes for purposes such as water regulation. I've heard much talk recently about showers that turn off after 3 minutes, which I can't begin to tell you how annoying it would be for me to keep turning a shower on 5 times b/c I will shower for as long as I want thank you, the Earth is fine. But you know what, I don't need the government to install a nazi in my shower, I already have one.

I acquired it in 2003 and lovingly named her Ella. The past few days my water consumption has been closely monitored by this device. Saturday, while trying to alleviate a pesky headache likely caused by loud children, I was soaking in a nice warm tub reading a Ted Dekker novel. Though my ears were below water level, I could still hear the harsh, piercing screams emenating from my water conservation device. It screamed "mommy mommy mommy I need you" relentlessly for the 10 minutes i was able to withstand the harassment. Never mind that Tony was in the room with her, she needed me and banged on the door and screamed until I emerged (after she opened the oven door to her princess kitchen and put her head inside in desperation) headache now even more intense, surprisingly after my "relaxing" soak.

Today, trying to shower before Mickey Mouse went to commercial I endured similar screaming and loud questions of "are you done yet" "almost, almost?" til it crescendoed to "GET OUT NOW, I NEED YOU MOMMY I NEED YOU NO MORE SHOWER" as my shower doors were thrown open.

So govenment, save your money, at least in my household it seems as though my water consumption is being monitored quite well and a long leisurely shower or bath is in the distant future for me, of course by that time, the Big Brother Inc. Nazi in my Shower head will probably have already been mandatorially installed.

Friday, January 15, 2010

What's in a name?

After doing a quick perusing of my blog while updating the layout I noticed one rather needed blog that I always meant to write, but somehow never did. This happens to me frequently, not necessarily in the blogging sense, just in life. I have things I need or want to say to people and my brain reminds me or plays it over so much that I think I have actually had the conversation with the person and never tell them. Before I again get sidetracked, the blog is the explanation behind the name Nothingcanseperate.

It comes from one of my favorite and most powerful (I feel) passages in the Bible. Romans 8:38-39

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

How amazing is that passage? NOTHING can seperate us from God's love. So many of us think we've done too much wrong to ever be loved by God, "I've done x, y, z I'm a despicable person, if there is a God I could never be worthy enough to approach him let alone ask or expect love.


You very well may be despicable, but God still loves you, because NOTHING can seperate you from his love. It may sound starnge but that way of thinking is arrogant and prideful. This verse says that the most powerful forces we know - angels, demons, life DEATH, none of these are enough to seperate us, yet you think somehow you've managed to do the 1 thing that will make you unlovable to the One who created you. Arrogance. And for those feeling that their noses are clean, the bible also says our righteousness is like filthy rags, so basically, we're no better off than Mr. Despicable a few sentences back. We've all sinned, we've all messed up, and continue to, but if we are in Christ not one thing can force us from God's love.


I dont' know, I've just always found that very comfoting and beautiful. It is so powerful and poetic, it has always struck a chord in my soul. It brings me peace in times of turmoil and strength and power when I'm feeling weak.


I chose that phrase as my blog title for those spiritual reasons but also as a declaration as a way to live life. I choose that for my marriage and my children. I'm not going to let anyone or anything come between us as a family or as children of God. NOTHING can seperate...


Loves..

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ella Bella baby no more :(


My little Isabelle betrayed me by growing up more still and turned the big 0-2 yesterday. I always look upon my children's birthdays with a mixture of great joy and a tinge of sadness. I consider them holidays in their own right and go to elaborate measures to celebrate two of the greatest days of my life-when my children came into my life.

At the same time, it always puts me in a reflection mode and as I remember the fleeting moments of the past years I can't help but tear up at just how fleeting they truly have been.

I can't believe how in 1 year a child can go from a baby to a full fledged kid. Of course the beauty of toddlerhood is there are still moments when Ella seems undeniably baby, especially when napping. But even those moments show her age, she is able to tell me not only that she wants to nap but also exactly how, with what items and what to drink in her sippy cup in no uncertain terms. Still, I have to hang on to what I have left of baby Ella. I'm very grateful for the head of curly hair that makes her look babyish. All of the babies in her age range are really looking older now and I think this is the only thing keeping her looking like my baby :(

I've enjoyed so much with her the past 2 years. She is definitely the opposite of her big sister and this has brought great joy and even bigger challenges. She is the typical wild child doing all the messy and gross things of childhood her older, much calmer sister never even imagined. We can't stop laughing though at her antics and that is definitely a blessing.

Some know, some do not, that between Ella and Laci I had a miscarriage which was devestating in every way. For months, nearly a year, I just couldn't imagine having the strength to be pregnant again and risk losing another child. While I feel my relationship with God took the initial pain away and gave me the strength to move one, I still struggled in each quiet moment of the day with the question of how can I ever do this again and will we ever have another child.

A year to the week of the miscarriage, we were in a new church and our pastor preached a message on giving God control of everything in our life. As I prayed that night I asked God to show me any areas which I had not given over to him. To my surprise and shockingly clear I felt that my fear of miscarriage was something I needed to hand over to Him. I felt I wasn't trusting God the way I should, that fearing another miscarriage was not placing faith in Him. And so, after some soul searching and real talk with God I realized I had been wrong and really placed my trust in Him. Although, I had some provisions, (i do not recommend deal brokering with God) I felt that I needed assurance that if we got pregnant again sometime in the future the child would be healthy and there would not be a miscarriage. This was the only way I could ever imagine someday being willing to risk pregnancy again. To be honest, I felt such peace after I prayed. A peace that had not fallen upon my mind and soul since that awful night I found out our baby was no more. Tony and I talked that night also, and decided we would start trying the following January after taking Laci to Disney World. Well, we got pregnant that week, when I should never have been able to! Talk about answer to prayer. yikes!

Ella has been such a blessing and I truly feel she is the fulfillment of a covenant made between God and myself. I could not be happier with this crazy little beautiful princess whom we affectionately and appropriately call Beastie and though I lament the quick passing of her babyhood I look forward to all that is yet to come in an undoubtly exciting little life.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Sunrise, Sunset

As the new year begins I find myself reflecting on the past, in the form of pictures. As a photographer, obviously photos play a huge part in my life. Even as a child I've always loved photography and have had a camera for as far back as I can remember. I just love the preservation of moments. Memories time has passed by, but has been saved from obscurity by some paper and ink.

My friend Jenn, introduced me to a couple of blogs this past year, one of which is The Mom Creative by Jessica Turner. She is a mommy and has wonderful ideas for putting to use all that paper and ink preserving our memories of that rapidly growing baby.

One thing she does is a year in review type of scrapbook. I am now in the process of uploading some pictures to begin mine. I am going to make one for each child, and who knows, if I like it enough a joint one :). For now I'm doing just Shutterfly photobooks as I've seen the quality and am pleased and the time required to make something treasurable is as minimal as you get. Thanks to Jenn for informing of a current sale www.shutterfly.com
Though I don't know if I'll make the deadline this time. The nice thing as she also pointed out is that you can always store them and order more at a later time, for grandparents, or a second one to give to your child to keep, so you don't have to share yours of course!

The other great idea Jessica Turner has is a 365 project. She takes at least 1 picture every day of her child to capture the essence of that 24 hour period. I want to do this but it is looking like at best it will be a 363 project as I didn't take pictures everyday already. A 52 project may be more realistic in which you make sure to get pics every week. That I do without thinking,

In this world of chaos we find ourselves in, at least I feel, our children our growing up, not even before our eyes, but by leaps and bounds. If I break into a rendition of Sunrise, Sunset, I'm sure you'll forgive me. I can't believe the changes in both my girls over the past year, as evidenced in my photos. Laci has grown so tall and is starting to fill out, to look more pre teenish (to go with her attitude) and Ella, well there are not even words to encompass her changes. I think its one of the biggest tragedies of babies. They grow daily, so much each week. Its impossible to remember it all, or to really capture it. So sad. And then one day before you know it they are 5 and out the door to school. So, so sad. These pictures are all I have left of quite likely my last baby. (except my future adoptee :) )

Now I have all these pictures I have taken, because of my fear of missing something but they are not PRINTED! Crazy. Feeling the pressure of the perfect handmade scrapbook, I stall in fear of messing up or being overwhelmed at the sheer amount of energy required to simply get the materials out to begin! I am thinking this is a definite way for my pictures not to be lost somewhere on my hard drive never reaching their full potential as a printed treasure. Looking forward to this and hoping you too find ways to present your beautiful memories for all to see.

Get to it! There are only 359 days left in this year to capture your growing child!

Thursday, December 31, 2009


Its the last day of 2009 and looking back it seems to be a mixed bag. At first glance in my mind's snapshots, I just feel like it was generally lousy. The country has been through one of the worst economical downfalls to date, and the "savior"in chief (as deemed by the mainstream media) has done little to help, in fact has likely lengthened and exacerbated our downward swing. An effect of that on us, and Obama's idiotic tax on coal, has led Tony to be laid off pretty much the whole year from CSX, getting called back right before Thanksgiving, just to be laid off again any day now. Oh and there has been so much more that immediately come to mind when reflecting on 2009.

I choose however, to glean the positive from this less than stellar year. My 2 girls have been healthy this year. Ella's first year of life in 2008 was marked by many hospital visits - jaundice, vaccine adverse reaction and especially the end of the year w/ 3 bouts of MRSA, the first being exceptionally frightening. January09, she overcame it and has been healthy ever since! Laci has been healthy as always, something to never take for granted.

Tony and I had fun opportunities, ironically afforded by his lack of CSX employment to go to many Christian concerts this summer and fall. Working for CSX means no set schedule which means, forget about making plans. This was something we missed and it provided a much needed release from the everyday pressures of parenthood, allowing us to just be Tony and Mandy for awhile. Not to mention, we saw some great shows!!!

We've made new friends and connected with some we'd lost contact with. Our friends mean so much to us, and many are considerd as important parts of our family!

I finally took the step to start my photography business which has been a blessing. CreatedImage photography is doing better than I would have thought in its first few months, and that without advertising! I thoroughly enjoy the experience of working with people and the creative outlet it brings. Of course the financial aspects are helpful as well! I'm excited for the future of my photography and looking forward to being even more busy in 2010!

As rotten as some parts of this year have been, I can see God laying the groundwork for some real blessings for my family in 2010.

CSX is looking up for this year, and Tony immediately got a 25% raise when he got called back. When he can work steady, (possibly not til spring, but we're praying if he gets furlowed in Cumberland he can transfer to 1 of 2 other locations) we will definitely have an increase and release from financial strain.

We've recently decided to move to a farm house his parents offered us. We've gutted the place and have awesome floor plans from a wonderful Christian contractor who is known for doing excellent work and fast! He seems very excited about the job and is set to start the remodel and additions to the house in the next week or 2. We'll be gaining a lot of square footage in this house, and its going to have everything we wanted! Such a blessing. 

2010 is looking so good, I have to say, hit the road 2009! I'm not looking back, I'm just looking forward to all that God has in store for us this coming year. Praying blessings on everyone and that this coming year find you happy. healthy and in the hand of God!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009








"Follow the star to a place unexpected,


Would you believe after all we've projected,


A child in a manger?


Lowly and small, the weakest of all


Unlikliest hero, wrapped in his mother's shawl


Just a child-


Is this who we've waited for? 'cause...


How many kings have stepped down from their
thrones?


How many lords have abandoned their homes?


How many greats have become the least for me?


And how many gods have poured out their heart


Romancing a world that was torn all apart


How many father's gave up their son for me?


Only one did that for me.


All for me.


All for you."


I've cerainly not had trouble getting into the Christmas spirit, I love Christmas. I love everything about it, from how people find a little more kindness to spread, people spreading Christmas cheer by singing loud for all to hear ;) (esp. when its me in a store, embarassing my 16 year old sister), when that Grinch we all know has a heart that suddenly grows 3 sizes that day, finding the perfect present that will make children's eyes light up and of course that warmth in your heart when you think about our God, lowering himself by putting on flesh and coming down to us, to a world He created, that we destroyed-all to save us from ourselves.


I think those are the best moments and the song above by Downhere (link below) really brought that all into focus tonight driving away from the chaos of Walmart. I think we all know the Christmas story so well, even if you aren't a believer yourself, that we forget truly what it means and the beauty of it. This song is one that brings it to life and makes you realize the love expressed to us by our God.


My hope for this Christmas is that we can all see and remember the pure beauty of God coming as the weakest among us.


I pray this Christmas season


For those know Him, seek Him with all your heart to know him better still


Those who are fearful, rest under his wings.


Those who are hurting ,allow him to whisper comfort to your soul


Those who are broken, give him the pieces to put back together


Those who are weary, rest at his feet


Those who are uncertain, trust, falling back into his arms


Those whom he longs for, listen to the gentle pleading in your heart and answer his call


Those who have run from, turn around and find him waiting for you with the same loving arms you once fled from.


May you all have a blessed Christmas, and know true happiness.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaVc-Qqw6oA

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Hey guys, check out Prissy Mommy's build a bear giveaway Holly and Hal moose!

Follow her blog too if you're a momma good stuff...

None of you better win though. I have 2 girlies lovin' them some moose.

www.PrissyMommy.com/pr/2009/11/holly-and-hal-moose-plush-animal-movie.html#comment-form